IT'S A COCK RING, SEE? A COCK...OH NEVER MIND [source]

IT’S A COCK RING, SEE? A COCK…OH NEVER MIND [source]

One of the most simple and effective sex toys in existence is the humble cock ring, yet not many people seem to talk publicly about their use. I can only think that perhaps they still feel cock rings are for those who struggle to maintain an erection, which is wrong. Well okay it’s also right. And what’s wrong with Mr Floppy sometimes coming to stay, anyway? Show me a bloke who says he’s never got the droop on at an inopportune moment and I’ll show you a fibbing mister with performance issues who needs to get over himself and realise that it happens to everyone occasionally. Everyone who’s male, obviously – yes I know you know this already, but as a women writing an article such as this, I felt I should clarify.

And as a woman, maybe some people will wonder why I even have an opinion on things that get attached to cocks, an example of which I do not have on my anatomy (which is a shame, quite frankly).

To those people I reply – I HAVE AN OPINION ON EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW.

Also, when I say that sex toys fascinate me, I really mean it – and not all sex toys are made for women. I like being able to advise friends about what might be the best toys for them, and not all those friends are female. Plus anyway, the judicious use of a cock ring on occasion makes life more fun for everyone, and I like to spread the joy.

Anyway. Cock rings. Rings that go around your cock. It really is as simple as that, but obviously the industry has complicated things as much as they can and given us endless choice, because that is how the western market works and we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves if we didn’t have endless choice regards everything from coffee to willy adornment.

But basically that’s all they are – a ring that fits around the penis (you can also put them around the balls, or round the whole damn lot if you’re feeling fancy), that can be made of various materials. Some are stretchy and some rigid, which brings us to the only absolute instruction I’m going to issue here – if you don’t have a lot – by which I mean YEARS, quite frankly – of experience with cock rings, DO NOT USE A RIGID METAL ONE. Think of cock rings as a one-way valve – blood goes up as excitement grows, blood does not come down. Mr Floppy rarely comes a’knocking when there’s a ring on the scene. If you end up with a stiffy you could bounce a cricket ball off and you’re trussed up in a metal ring, you might well find yourself at A&E being eyed beadily by a doctor wielding a pair of bolt cutters.

Start with silicone, or anything else that’s flexible. You could even try a hairband if you like – just remember to wash the thing before your missus uses it on her hair. Stretch it out and pop it on (that advice works in many other situations as well, FYI). Lube it if necessary (water-based lube please, let’s not ruin the toys before we’ve even played with them). Don’t wear it for more than twenty minutes max and for god’s sake, if your old man starts turning blue and tingly, take the thing off already.

Once you’re reasonably adept at using rings, switch it up and try something different! Surprisingly for something that is basically just a ring, there are loads of different styles around (adding bullet vibes to a cock ring is a popular design, although only the more expensive ones ever seem to actually do anything). And they come in different sizes, so man up and order a smaller or larger one if the first one isn’t fitting well.

I’ll list some good rings below, but the rule here is different strokes for different folks (fnar), so don’t be afraid to buy a few (they’re not expensive in comparison to most other decent sex toys) and get practising!

Violet x

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GCSE level…

Adjustable Stamina Ring by Tracey Cox

46567-1

 

A-levels…

Lovehoney Basics Cock Ring Set

59345-000

 

Coctagon III by Rock Rings

rock_rings_the_cocktagon_lll_cock_ring_3_pack

Degree level…

The Wrecking Ball by Rock Rings

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PHD

Finally, the rather brilliantly named Anal Fantasy Ass-gasm Cock and Butt Plug

58212-00