Author: Violet Fenn

Review: the ‘Satisfyer’ – 2, Pro 2 and the Penguin

   I’m pretty sure Meg had a Satisfyer hidden under the table   Okay, so this is supposed to be a guest review but I do have input of my own, so I’m going to butt in. Satisfyer very kindly sent me three different models of their renowned toy, so I kept one for myself and passed two on to a helpful chum. The model I tried was the Pro 2:   I have to say, I struggled with this thing. Firstly, it looks nothing like any vibrator I’ve ever seen before – more like a face cleaner than...

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Review: Lovehoney Desire Luxury Magic Wand Vibrator

*** I have never made any secret of my love of wand vibrators and am lucky enough to own several. Like most people I have a definite favourite, and that favourite is the ever-popular Doxy. I’ve tried endless other types but nothing’s ever managed to match Doxy’s good looks and guaranteed results.  So when those lovely folk at Lovehoney sent me the Desire Magic Wand, I thought ‘Awww, that’s nice of them’ and put it to one side, thinking I’d get round to it at some point. That point turned out to be later the same day, because I get bored easily and boredom is easily alleviated when you have a ridiculous amount of sex toys hanging round the place, amiright?  OH MY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. How the fuck does something that’s rechargeable have this much power?? It is clearly some sort of Dark Magic, because the only other wands I’ve tried that have had this kind of strength are the mains-powered ones. Yet amazingly it doesn’t give me that weird numb wrist thing from the vibrations going up my arm either, which some varieties of wand do – I’m assuming that the heavyweight build quality helps to absorb a lot of the percussion within the handle end. Apparently the Desire has 20 wave patterns and 5 levels of intensity, but I wouldn’t know about that because I’m of the...

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Guest review: O-Wand personal massager

Well now. This is not your average guest review and if you read on, you’ll see why. Contrary to what my darling pet reviewer says in his report, there was no mix up in my delivery of review products – I knew he had an occasional female partner and as the O-wand comes with attachments for both sexes, I’d figured it would be good to get both sides of the argument, so to speak. I hadn’t reckoned on him being so, well…greedy. Read on to see what I’m talking about. If you dare… *** Guest review: O-wand personal massager She calls:  I’ve got something for you to try out for me Me: A toy? She: Yes, I’ll pop it over if thats ok? Me: Of course darling, pop it over and have some tea too, we must catch up She arrives clutching a large package. Tea is consumed, gossip is spread and then she’s gone in her usual whirlwind of perfume and poison. As a man with a wide arsenal of toys and a multitude of masculine friends to share them with I have certain expectations of new products. I was disappointed, no point in trying to claim otherwise.  What was contained within the package was a fair sized box containing a matt black massager – the kind that pneumatic porn starlets use to explosive effect, rather than a 14” gate...

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Why sexual happiness is a right, not a privilege

*** Sex is fun, free, good for you and I am one of its biggest fans. Sex is, quite frankly, brilliant.  But it wasn’t always like this – I used to have a dull, almost non-existent sex life. I wrote about it in this blog post about the horrors of being an unwilling partner in a Not Getting Any relationship and to this day it is one of the most popular things I have ever written anywhere.  I was astonished – and saddened – by the messages I received in response to that piece. I heard from both men and women...

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Review: Dr John Cooper Clarke – Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury

Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury – 11th April, 2017 Reviews are supposed be unbiased, aren’t they? Just so’s you can’t say you weren’t warned – this one won’t be. I fucking love John Cooper Clarke. Actually as most people know, it’s Dr John Cooper Clarke these days, thank you very much – he was awarded an honorary degree by Salford University in 2013 for ‘acknowledgement of a career which has spanned five decades, bringing poetry to non-traditional audiences and influencing musicians and comedians’ (his widely quoted response to the honour was ‘Now I’m a doctor, finally my dream of opening a cosmetic surgery business...

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