Author: Violet Fenn

Review: LUVVU bedroom ceiling mirror

*** I was sent the Luvvu mirror when I was writing a feature about mirror sex for Metro. I have to admit that prior to this I’d thought of bedroom mirrors as something you only found in hotel rooms – nice ones in good hotels, but also tarnished ones in grubby hotels with what look distinctly like other people’s fingerprints around the edges. It would never have occurred to me to have one in my own bedroom at home – firstly I’d worry about having something that heavy hanging over the bed and secondly, having a mirror on the ceiling...

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How to be a successful writer when you are seventeen shades of batshit crazy

Because I am a gobby twat who writes for lots of different places and isn’t afraid of shoving the resultant work right up into people’s faces, I occasionally get mistaken for someone who knows how to be a professional writer.  “Violet,” gullible idiots people say, “you are clearly not of sound mind half the time, yet you earn your living as a writer. I too would like to be a writer, please tell me how.” Once I’ve stopped laughing I usually change the subject before anyone realises that I am, actually, a complete fucking lunatic. Yet I do still manage to make my...

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Review: King Cock 12″ slim double dildo

Well they didn’t mess around when they named this one, did they? It’s certainly realistic and it’s plenty long enough for anyone, however demanding they might be.  *** Although it’s an odd looking product if you’re used to standard dildos and vibrators, double-enders are worth considering because of their versatility. This particular model isn’t too thick either, which can occasionally be a problem with some of the rather more, erm, ambitious sex toys.  It’s also genuinely realistic looking (apart from being a mutant with two heads, obviously), which is surprisingly rare. And it’s well made – I see an awful lot...

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The joy of being a complete wanker

This post was triggered by a conversation with a friend on Facebook yesterday in which she admitted that: “The first time I ever realised I’d masturbated, I didn’t know what it was and thought I was going to die. I remember tearing through the pages of an Usborne book, frantically crying. And then I read that I’d given myself an ‘orgasm’ and the sobs just got louder until I realised I was actually going to live. “ Because that is the kind of conversations I have with friends on social media. Anyway it got me to thinking – I...

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REVIEW: Mike Garry and the Cassia String Quartet

  Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury – 11th Feb 2017 Words are amazing things. They fit together like jigsaw pieces and push apart like opposing magnetics. But people insist on applying seemingly arbitrary rules to them and then tell us we have to follow those rules because if we don’t we’re doing words wrong. When I was at school we were taught only the sort of ‘proper’ poetry that involved (in my opinion, at least) far too much lonely cloud-like wandering and comparing of poor sappy women to summers’ days. Because according to my teachers, those poets – the long dead...

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