Author: Violet Fenn

Review: ‘Wicked Game’ massage wand by So Divine

Okay so this is going to sound like the most first world problem ever, but it feels like I am fucking DROWNING in wand vibrators recently. Everyone’s making them, so how can any of them ever feel like something genuinely new? Well, making a double-ended one is certainly novel, which is where the Wicked Game massager is massively different from its rivals. One end is a standard wand shape, whilst the other is more like a normal vibrator. My initial thoughts were that it’s trying to be everything but risks being nothing. It’s quite small, which is handy for travel...

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You are under no obligation to be happy

Life’s fucking difficult at times, isn’t it? Unfair, even – because sometimes there doesn’t even need to be a specific reason for the woe, everything is just awful and you don’t know why but now you feel guilty on top of the woe-ness because other people have it so much worse and fucking hell why can’t you just be HAPPY, goddammit? Whoah there. Who ever said there was a hierarchy of misery that you had to stick to? If you’re down then you’re down, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn’t be because things aren’t that bad. If they...

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Review: the ‘Satisfyer’ – 2, Pro 2 and the Penguin

   I’m pretty sure Meg had a Satisfyer hidden under the table   Okay, so this is supposed to be a guest review but I do have input of my own, so I’m going to butt in. Satisfyer very kindly sent me three different models of their renowned toy, so I kept one for myself and passed two on to a helpful chum. The model I tried was the Pro 2:   I have to say, I struggled with this thing. Firstly, it looks nothing like any vibrator I’ve ever seen before – more like a face cleaner than...

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Review: Lovehoney Desire Luxury Magic Wand Vibrator

*** I have never made any secret of my love of wand vibrators and am lucky enough to own several. Like most people I have a definite favourite, and that favourite is the ever-popular Doxy. I’ve tried endless other types but nothing’s ever managed to match Doxy’s good looks and guaranteed results.  So when those lovely folk at Lovehoney sent me the Desire Magic Wand, I thought ‘Awww, that’s nice of them’ and put it to one side, thinking I’d get round to it at some point. That point turned out to be later the same day, because I get bored easily and boredom is easily alleviated when you have a ridiculous amount of sex toys hanging round the place, amiright?  OH MY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. How the fuck does something that’s rechargeable have this much power?? It is clearly some sort of Dark Magic, because the only other wands I’ve tried that have had this kind of strength are the mains-powered ones. Yet amazingly it doesn’t give me that weird numb wrist thing from the vibrations going up my arm either, which some varieties of wand do – I’m assuming that the heavyweight build quality helps to absorb a lot of the percussion within the handle end. Apparently the Desire has 20 wave patterns and 5 levels of intensity, but I wouldn’t know about that because I’m of the...

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Guest review: O-Wand personal massager

Well now. This is not your average guest review and if you read on, you’ll see why. Contrary to what my darling pet reviewer says in his report, there was no mix up in my delivery of review products – I knew he had an occasional female partner and as the O-wand comes with attachments for both sexes, I’d figured it would be good to get both sides of the argument, so to speak. I hadn’t reckoned on him being so, well…greedy. Read on to see what I’m talking about. If you dare… *** Guest review: O-wand personal massager She calls:  I’ve got something for you to try out for me Me: A toy? She: Yes, I’ll pop it over if thats ok? Me: Of course darling, pop it over and have some tea too, we must catch up She arrives clutching a large package. Tea is consumed, gossip is spread and then she’s gone in her usual whirlwind of perfume and poison. As a man with a wide arsenal of toys and a multitude of masculine friends to share them with I have certain expectations of new products. I was disappointed, no point in trying to claim otherwise.  What was contained within the package was a fair sized box containing a matt black massager – the kind that pneumatic porn starlets use to explosive effect, rather than a 14” gate...

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