Author: Violet Fenn

The Fates laugh in the face of your Plans.

A.k.a. ‘how Nick Cave broke me’… This time last year everything was as normal as my life was ever going to get. I spent the festive season with my partner of fourteen years and our two boys and on the surface, all was perfectly normal. Except that a month earlier I’d been to see Nick Cave live – twice in one week, in fact. Anyone who knows me also knows of my Cave obsession, which occasionally verges on, well… Some people would say ‘insanity’, but I prefer the phrase ‘particularly keen’. Semantics, schemantics. So when the man himself actually clambered onto me during the first gig, my poor little brain could barely cope with the incipient hysteria. This is the status update I posted to Facebook on the way out of the venue:  Three days later I saw him again – this time at Koko in London, at a gig being filmed for the award-winning documentary 20,ooo Days on Earth. He was wearing a gold lamé shirt, goddammit. It was all I could do to keep my knickers from flying off of their own accord. When I got back home I felt odd, like something had gone pop in my head. I’d been swimming through the treacle of my life for so long that I’d forgotten how it felt to have real, shouty, hysterical fun. I had no idea what to do about it except that I needed to...

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Bottoms up!

  I’m a bit late with this blog post, but it’s been Christmas and the festive season invariably means LOSING MY MARBLES and my dear old friend resident idiot Mad has been in residence for a lot of it. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was inspired by a friend’s post on Facebook to start what I can only describe as ‘a bum gallery’. For that is what it is. Bums, bums everywhere – and every one a fabulous example of how we’re all pretty much the same under our clothes. I’m using the project to raise money for Sane, a mental health charity that works hard to not only de-stigmatise mental health, but to fund research into its causes and potential treatments. Read more about it here, and please do send me your arse!* CLICK THROUGH TO THE BOTTOM LINE PHOTO GALLERY (opens in same page). *a phrase I really didn’t think I’d ever get to write publicly CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW SEX, DEATH, ROCK’N’ROLL ON...

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No one likes mental soup.

  I am a certified Mentalist. As in, my brain does not know how to work properly and therefore tries to fuck me over on a pretty much daily basis. Most of my friends are Mentalists too, because Mentalism loves company. ‘Normal’ people have no idea what to do with us, see – they read all the ‘How To Talk to a Mentalist’ memes that go around and they try their best, but they never quite get it right, bless their non-freakish cotton socks. Me, I like talking to people who understand. The evidence, m’lud – a conversation I had yesterday...

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I’m not old, I’m VINTAGE

Having turned forty five this week I am now, with a few honourable exceptions, pretty much officially The Oldest Person We Know. I really, truly do not give a rat’s ass. I’ve had more fun in the last twelve months than I had in the previous decade, and more fun in that decade than I had in my teens and twenties. Life does not begin at forty, it begins at whatever age you damn well please and keeps going until they carry you off stage left in a wooden box. THE FUN GETS EXPONENTIALLY BIGGER WITH AGE, PEOPLE! So having spent the last few days gritting my teeth at jokes about zimmer frames and pension plans, I thought I’d make a list of women, all of whom are – GASP – even older than me, whose very existences proves that Not Giving A Shit can be a valuable life lesson.   HELENA BONHAM CARTER, 48 Wouldja just LOOK at the bone structure on that woman?! Notorious for her brilliantly bizarre outfits and a fantastic foil to her husband Tim Burton (yes I know he only ever put Helena and Johnny Depp in his films and maybe he could use new actors or maybe everyone should leave him alone and stop trying to mess with the perfect formula), HBC is a prime example of a woman who Does Not Give A Shit.   VIVIENNE WESTWOOD,...

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If you have read The State of Grace and enjoyed it, I'm almost at 100 Amazon reviews and it would be SO lovely to get there.