sex death rocknroll nomakeup selfie onesie

Me, bravely wearing a onesie and no makeup. I’ll expect the medal in the post.

There’s been a lot of guff recently about women ‘bravely’ showing their makeup-free faces to the world. #NOMAKEUPSELFIE, people shrieked.

So effing WHAT? Whether you wear makeup or not has no bearing on research or funding for any disease, cancer or anything else. How is this even a Thing?

I just cannot get my head around how patronising this idea of ‘bravery’ is. Medics who travel to Africa to help with ebola epidemic are brave. People with disabilities who fight to lead as normal a life as possible are brave. My friend Sam (endless procedures for ulcerative colitis, which she blogs about – often hilariously – here) is brave. The endless people I know who manage to get up every morning whilst fighting against debilitating mental illness are brave.

Going out of the house without foundation on IS NOT BRAVE.

I bloody love makeup. I like being able to make my skin look better than it is (Boots foundation-matching service, I bow at your pedicured feet). I love that I can paint insane cat-eye eyeliner on my lids and look like a sixties sex bomb. Finding the perfect new red lipstick to add to my collection of other perfect red lipsticks makes me happier than you can ever imagine. None of this makes me either shallow, nor a coward, it is just something I like to do.

Conversely, I am perfectly happy leaving the house having done nothing more than drag a flannel across my face and, as yet, no one has fainted in the street from the sheer horror of having to look at my uncovered maw. Given that I am a single parent with two kids (one of whom has special needs) and that I spend three days a week working on a stable yard, it would be ridiculous to waste time applying perfect mascara every morning when sometimes it’s all I can do to get half a gallon of coffee down my neck before dragging Smallest into school (literally – he hates school with a passion and I often have to play the ‘push child into arms of waiting teaching assistant’ game).

I was already halfway through writing this blog post when someone on Facebook posted up this Daily Mail link. Actually it’s probably better for your blood pressure not to click through, so let me précis it for you. Apparently – can you believe this – some women have SHAMEFUL SECRETS. According to the author, it is not unheard of for women to only shave their legs up to the knee. 

I KNOW, RIGHT? Some people shave their thighs! And that’s not the worst of it – in this amazing piece of investigative journalism, our heroine discovers that – gasp – there are women in this world who think it’s acceptable to only wash their fringe, rather than all their hair. The very thought, huh?

The article is titled – this is a good ‘un, prepare yourselves – ‘Shameful Grooming Secrets No Woman Admits To.’ SHAMEFUL GROOMING SECRETS.

Kill. Me. Now.

I don’t even know where to start. Firstly, I have never shaved my thighs in my life. Does anyone actually do that? I do commit plenty of the other crimes though – I’ve been known to Febreeze my clothes whilst already wearing them, for one.  I don’t recall feeling ashamed, though.

Seriously – if you want to wear makeup, wear makeup. If you’d rather wear nothing but a onesie on the school run whilst sporting eyebrows that look like those black furry caterpillars that you never see any more (whatever happened to those critters, anyway? they were awesome), fill your boots.

Just don’t expect your efforts – or lack thereof – to cure disease. And don’t, whatever you do, feel shame.

Violet x

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