Category: HEADLINE POST

New year, new stationery, new you. Something like that, anyway.

  Oh god I love stationery SO DAMN MUCH. Seriously – every new notebook brings its user closer to the dream of a perfectly organised life, right? Whenever I feel as though the world is going to hell on a jet-ski, I buy a new notebook. And then mostly I put it away and forget I even own it. I have the most ridiculous collection of unused notebooks. It’s like an obsession. The one thing that makes me more likely to actually use a notebook is portability and the availability of different refills – and the Grand Voyageur from Paper...

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On having no shame

  ‘I have no shame.’ It’s something I say quite often, usually in response to amused-yet-slightly-horrified comments when I’ve had yet another article published online about something that makes people feel slightly uncomfortable, whether that be death or sex toys (and if you want to see something really fucking hilarious that I wrote recently, click here – tl;dr, I rode a motherfucking Sybian and wrote about it on a massive website BECAUSE I HAVE NO SHAME. Oh and there was that time I offended a lot of Catholics). ‘I’d never dare put my name to something that graphic’, people say. ‘Aah well,...

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NO YOU SHOULDN’T PUT GLITTER IN YOUR FANNY WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO ASK THIS??

Oh my fucking god I don’t even know where to start with this. A friend sent me a link this morning to a Facebook page called ‘Passion Dust’ which apparrrrrrently is a dissolving capsule of glitter that you shove up your flue in order to make it sparkle. I’m not linking to it because so help me it is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard of, but this is what their actual website looks like:   HOW THE FUCK DID I EVER LIVE WITHOUT A SPARKLY FANNY? Oh yes, I remember – fucking easily, because fannies are not designed to...

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You are under no obligation to be happy

Life’s fucking difficult at times, isn’t it? Unfair, even – because sometimes there doesn’t even need to be a specific reason for the woe, everything is just awful and you don’t know why but now you feel guilty on top of the woe-ness because other people have it so much worse and fucking hell why can’t you just be HAPPY, goddammit? Whoah there. Who ever said there was a hierarchy of misery that you had to stick to? If you’re down then you’re down, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn’t be because things aren’t that bad. If they...

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Review: Dr John Cooper Clarke – Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury

Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury – 11th April, 2017 Reviews are supposed be unbiased, aren’t they? Just so’s you can’t say you weren’t warned – this one won’t be. I fucking love John Cooper Clarke. Actually as most people know, it’s Dr John Cooper Clarke these days, thank you very much – he was awarded an honorary degree by Salford University in 2013 for ‘acknowledgement of a career which has spanned five decades, bringing poetry to non-traditional audiences and influencing musicians and comedians’ (his widely quoted response to the honour was ‘Now I’m a doctor, finally my dream of opening a cosmetic surgery business...

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