Category: HEALTH

The joy of being a complete wanker

This post was triggered by a conversation with a friend on Facebook yesterday in which she admitted that: “The first time I ever realised I’d masturbated, I didn’t know what it was and thought I was going to die. I remember tearing through the pages of an Usborne book, frantically crying. And then I read that I’d given myself an ‘orgasm’ and the sobs just got louder until I realised I was actually going to live. “ Because that is the kind of conversations I have with friends on social media. Anyway it got me to thinking – I...

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Learning disability doesn’t have to mean lifestyle disability

  There’s a tendency – even amongst the most well meaning of people – to infantilise those with learning disabilities, which often stems from a desire to care for them and to protect them from the potential cruelties of life. The problem with this apparent kindness is that it has the unfortunate effect of potentially reducing a person’s life to only those activities deemed ‘suitable’ or ‘safe’.  Whilst no one would want to throw a person with intellectual difficulties out into the world without a support network, we need to remember that they are entitled to have as full and varied a...

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All hail the Thing of Wonder that is our NHS

That ^^ pic is of me on my friend’s horse last weekend. We were having a lovely time, he’s an absolute sweetheart. Note the body protector and heavy duty hat that I’m wearing – I’ve ridden for more than 30 years and am fairly confident, so I don’t normally wear anything more than a standard velvet riding cap. But I went the extra yard this one time, cos the horse was new to me and you can never be too safe. And thank fuckety fuck that I did, because this is me a frighteningly short amount of time later: All I can remember is asking him for a canter coming round the corner, and he did that ridiculous ‘just trotting faster and faster’ thing that a lot of horses do when they’re in the mood for taking the piss. I asked him again and he went, but on the wrong leg (for those who don’t ride, this means that he was balanced wrongly and risked tipping over at the corner) so I tried to pull him back so I could ask him to do it again correctly. BAD MOVE, ME. My four legged chum decided that actually, the last thing he wanted was to do what I’d asked, and he did one of those horrible sheep jumps, with all feet going in different directions. I automatically kicked my feet out...

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Historical hysteria

*** Anyone who reads this blog on even an occasional basis can’t help but notice that I have a passion for sex toys. What’s not to like about adding extra fun to your life? Thing is, our lovely vibes actually originated from medical ‘necessity’. The vibrator was the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified (following the sewing machine, fan, kettle and toaster); ‘personal appliances’ really meaning something in those days. But as with a lot of things, it was actually intended to help men rather than women. Back in the day, it didn’t occur to anyone that women might have a libido – how terribly unseemly. Ladies were expected to lie back and think of the Empire whilst their gentleman had his wicked way, and if they could manage to not complain too much about their onerous task then all the better. Unsurprisingly, this sent a lot of women completely batshit. With hindsight, we could all offer sensible advice to these unfulfilled ladies, mostly along the lines of “go have a wank, love, it makes everything better.*” But such views were nonexistent back then and a steady stream of female patients rocked up to their doctor complaining of irritability and ‘wetness between the legs’. And a moist gusset was simply Not On, so those poor beleaguered docs rolled their sleeves up and got to work. Seriously – wanking off women was a Thing...

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Thighbrows? What the eff??

Okay, so I am clearly very late to the party on this. What can I say – I mostly avoid glossy mags and I don’t watch the sort of television programmes that have overgroomed women shrieking at each other in weird hybrid accents. So when I picked up a copy of Grazia (everyone has their foibles and at least it’s not the Daily Mail so shut UP) and found an article about something called a ‘thighbrow’, I was AGOG. To give them credit, Grazia are clearly against such silliness and all power to them for that. But a quick google showed me that whilst I was living in blissful ignorance, in some parts of society the thighbrow really was becoming a Thing: WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHITTERY??? Okay, so those women do at least have something akin to ‘normal’ body shapes (even if ‘normal’ here means ‘daily training and in-house nutritionists), but how the FUCK is the crease in a bit of skin an actual Thing? The next thing will be ‘sexy elbows’, and we all know that elbows are made of chicken skin and sandpaper. Seriously, get over your fucking selves. Find something else to focus on – healthy living, say, or how to love your weird ankles. Yeah so I know we’re all up with the body positive stuff and this is just silliness and a bit of fun,...

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