Don’t confuse ‘being caring’ with ‘being judgey as fuck’

You know those lists that do the rounds of social media? The ‘rules for life, but in a kind, caring and humorous way’ ones? THEY CAN KISS MY FAT ASS. Anyone who gives others a list of rules for life can go fuck themselves because 99% of the time those rules fit around their beliefs, not around what is best for others. The shittery in the following pictures was posted on Facebook last week, on a page for ‘fans of Jennifer Saunders’. People I know and love had clicked the ‘love’ emoji to proclaim that they too were cool...

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On having no shame

  ‘I have no shame.’ It’s something I say quite often, usually in response to amused-yet-slightly-horrified comments when I’ve had yet another article published online about something that makes people feel slightly uncomfortable, whether that be death or sex toys (and if you want to see something really fucking hilarious that I wrote recently, click here – tl;dr, I rode a motherfucking Sybian and wrote about it on a massive website BECAUSE I HAVE NO SHAME. Oh and there was that time I offended a lot of Catholics). ‘I’d never dare put my name to something that graphic’, people say. ‘Aah well,...

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Review: Dr John Cooper Clarke – Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury

Wightman Theatre, Shrewsbury – 11th April, 2017 Reviews are supposed be unbiased, aren’t they? Just so’s you can’t say you weren’t warned – this one won’t be. I fucking love John Cooper Clarke. Actually as most people know, it’s Dr John Cooper Clarke these days, thank you very much – he was awarded an honorary degree by Salford University in 2013 for ‘acknowledgement of a career which has spanned five decades, bringing poetry to non-traditional audiences and influencing musicians and comedians’ (his widely quoted response to the honour was ‘Now I’m a doctor, finally my dream of opening a cosmetic surgery business...

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The joy of being a complete wanker

This post was triggered by a conversation with a friend on Facebook yesterday in which she admitted that: “The first time I ever realised I’d masturbated, I didn’t know what it was and thought I was going to die. I remember tearing through the pages of an Usborne book, frantically crying. And then I read that I’d given myself an ‘orgasm’ and the sobs just got louder until I realised I was actually going to live. “ Because that is the kind of conversations I have with friends on social media. Anyway it got me to thinking – I...

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International Women’s Day and how I used to be ‘that idiot who just doesn’t get it’

CONFESSION TIME. Years ago I had a spat with a dear friend on International Women’s Day – because, believe it or not, I’d commented on Twitter that I didn’t understand why it was necessary and was there a male equivalent (I know, I know).   What the FUCK was I on when I wrote that?? If I’m being truthful I suspect I’d just woken up and pinged my first thought on the matter out into the ether without putting it through the filters first. I have well-documented filter issues. But more likely is that, certainly up until that point, I’d...

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If you have read The State of Grace and enjoyed it, I'm almost at 100 Amazon reviews and it would be SO lovely to get there.