You are under no obligation to be happy

Life’s fucking difficult at times, isn’t it? Unfair, even – because sometimes there doesn’t even need to be a specific reason for the woe, everything is just awful and you don’t know why but now you feel guilty on top of the woe-ness because other people have it so much worse and fucking hell why can’t you just be HAPPY, goddammit? Whoah there. Who ever said there was a hierarchy of misery that you had to stick to? If you’re down then you’re down, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn’t be because things aren’t that bad. If they...

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How to be a successful writer when you are seventeen shades of batshit crazy

Because I am a gobby twat who writes for lots of different places and isn’t afraid of shoving the resultant work right up into people’s faces, I occasionally get mistaken for someone who knows how to be a professional writer.  “Violet,” gullible idiots people say, “you are clearly not of sound mind half the time, yet you earn your living as a writer. I too would like to be a writer, please tell me how.” Once I’ve stopped laughing I usually change the subject before anyone realises that I am, actually, a complete fucking lunatic. Yet I do still manage to make my...

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I used to think I was the only person who went through life constantly waiting for a tap on the shoulder. You know, the point at which someone would finally see through the human-shaped carapace and witness what horrors actually lurked on the inside. Eventually though, I realised that it really wasn’t just me – an awful lot of us afflicted by Fear Of The Tap. You know FOTT – the gnawing feeling that, however well you’re coping with life and regardless of how successful you are, somehow, some day, someone will look at you and see you for...

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The drugs DO work, actually

So I had to go to the GP this week and utter those immortal words, ‘Ummm…yeah, well…er no, I’m not doing so good, actually.’ And my GP said ‘Aah well it happens, let’s see what we can do for you’ and now I’m on ‘proper’ meds again for the first time in about five years. Backstory – I have a chronic anxiety disorder, was recently diagnosed with Aspergers and am also still recovering from a horse riding accident which has made me walk a bit wonky and gives me dizzy spells. Also there had been a shitload of crap...

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Seeing things in black and white

*** Funny isn’t it – however much you ‘know’ something in your head, it often doesn’t seem real until it’s written down in black and white. Confirmed by someone else, so that you know you weren’t imagining it after all. Today I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. This won’t come as a surprise to many people who know me in person, but actually it was a bit of a surprise to me. I have had 46 years of being told I’m fine, I just need to get organised, get my shit together, just stop worrying, there’s nothing wrong. After...

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