Category: SEX TOY REVIEWS

Dip’n’lick!

Flavoured personal lubes from System Jo (review) Okay, so lube is an essential part of any right-thinking person’s sexy ammo, we all know that. And the products on the market are so much nicer these days. Readily available, as well – even the supermarkets now produce perfectly adequate own-brand lubricants. But however much the products improve, there’s no getting away from the fact that should you get it in your mouth (and getting lube in your mouth is pretty much a prerequisite if you’re properly having a good time, AMIRIGHT?), it still tastes a bit like you just gargled with olive oil. As you can imagine then, when Simply Pleasure suggested that I try some flavoured lubes from System Jo, I wasn’t overly hopeful. Even though I have this deal with them that I’m under no obligation to be anything but honest, I wasn’t looking forward to having to report back that yes, flavoured lubes still taste like watery sticky stuff with a bit of artificial flavouring added. Embarrassing, innit? BUT I WAS WRONG. Turns out that actually, you can get lubes that taste nice. In fact, you can get lubes that actually taste properly of the flavours they are meant to be. I reckon there are lots of people out there who understand just what a game changer this is. I’ve tried out Cherry and Raspberry so far, and they really do taste...

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Guest review: Wanger Management

*** Ohhhhh how we sniggered at this title! You’ve got to love (male) friends who, without missing a beat, say ‘Of course I’ll review sex toys for you’, thus facilitating ridiculous meetings in busy coffee shops to hand over sneaky packages and cackle loudly about cock rings like a pair of flapping, pervy crows. I know the best people. Over to Mr Anonymous: ***   The Miss Lolita Vibrating Masturbator comes in a large, smart plain grey box and upon opening it, it’s apparent that there is actual *content* involved here; it weighs around the same as a bag of (wobbly pink) sugar and...

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Now with wings…

  Okay, so the phrase ‘guybrator’ sounds like something from dodgy scifi porn, but bear with me because this thing is CLEVER. One of the strangest sex toys I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen a few, believe me), the Pulse by Hot Octopuss is an innovative piece of kit that’s designed to be completely inclusive, aimed as it is at those with disabilities and/or erectile dysfunction issues as well as single men and couples. Talk about an all-rounder. So can it live up to its own publicity? It’s certainly unusual. The ‘flippers’ that hold it against the penis (PENIS FLIPPERS, YAY)  do their job very well, far better than I thought they might – it’s a pretty heavy piece of kit but didn’t drop off my test model*, however much I waggled it around – and it’s well contoured to fit around most examples of the male anatomy. It really doesn’t look anything like a ‘classic’ sex toy – in fact one user I spoke to told me that he lives with his parents and keeps his on his desk at home without anyone saying a word. Apparently everyone just assumes it’s a particularly innovative computer mouse. Squeak! The Pulse Duo has a neat little remote control, which means a partner can join in – in addition, it has a vibrator on the outside as well as inside so that...

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Plug in, baby…

One of the other threads of my slightly random portfolio career is writing an occasional column for Psychologies magazine’s ‘online expert’ panel. I AM A GODDAMN EXPERT, MOTHERFUCKERS. I’m currently putting together an article about unusual sex toys for aforementioned column, and in the course of my research I was sent one of these babies from those lovely folk at Mystim: His name is Truman. Tickling Truman, to be precise. And the way he tickles is with ELECTRIC SHOCKS. Oh yes indeedy – you can now fry your fanjita in the comfort of your own home. You never even...

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