Category: SEX

This relates directly to my previous post 😉 Violet x CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW SEX, DEATH, ROCK’N’ROLL ON FACEBOOK TWEET...

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Why I talk about sex so much (and why you should too)

There’s a silent (relationship) killer in town. And its name is ‘Not Getting Any’. I’ve thought long and hard for months about posting this blog publicly, because obviously it is/was a private matter. But this shit is IMPORTANT. I also thought it would go some way towards explaining why I’m so passionate about talking openly at every opportunity about sex in all its guises. Too many times I’ve regaled friends and acquaintances with my sad tale of Not Getting Any (I’m the kind of person who will happily discuss dildos with random strangers in the bus queue), only for them to say ‘that happened to me but I was too embarrassed to say anything’ or ‘my husband/wife really doesn’t fancy me and it’s upsetting, but I don’t know how to say anything’. Plenty of us go through droughts in our sex lives, usually down to being single and bemoaning the lack of decent potential partners. But what if NGA strikes when you’re in a relationship? Even more so, what if that relationship is (you thought) a really good, healthy, steady one – what then? For more than a decade I was with someone I loved very much, but whose interest in me waned dramatically somewhere around our youngest son’s second birthday. Given that childbirth and the tiny baby period was done and dusted,  I’m pretty sure that neither of those had anything to...

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Plug in, baby…

One of the other threads of my slightly random portfolio career is writing an occasional column for Psychologies magazine’s ‘online expert’ panel. I AM A GODDAMN EXPERT, MOTHERFUCKERS. I’m currently putting together an article about unusual sex toys for aforementioned column, and in the course of my research I was sent one of these babies from those lovely folk at Mystim: His name is Truman. Tickling Truman, to be precise. And the way he tickles is with ELECTRIC SHOCKS. Oh yes indeedy – you can now fry your fanjita in the comfort of your own home. You never even knew you were missing out on this, did you? Electrostim devices have existed for eons – it’s the same principle that TENS machines use for pain relief in childbirth (has anyone ever actually had any pain relief from a TENS machine? I was given one whilst in labour with my eldest – it was like having an angry wasp prodding my nethers and I lasted approximately three minutes between application and throwing the bloody thing across the room). Most electrostim toys are rather…medical in appearance, thus also rendering them, quite frankly, fucking terrifying. So all power to Mystim for making a product that actually looks attractive to the average user (and by ‘average user’ I mean ‘someone who likes having sex and would like to have even more interesting sex without actually clamping their...

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So now my vagina is illegal

I’m going to tell you personal shit here, whether you like it or not. Are you ready? I have two labial piercings. So now we are Friends because you know things about my pant region. Suck it up, motherfuckers. Both were carried out under the correct hygienic conditions and for the simple reason that I wanted them done. My fouf, my choice (that should totally be on a tshirt). But my fanjita is now potentially illegal. I MIGHT HAVE AN ILLICIT FOUF, PEOPLE! LET US GATHER TOGETHER THE ILLEGAL GENITALS AND STAND PROUD! This confusion has been caused by the Department of Health’s recent decision to regard intimate piercings as a form of female genital mutilation (FGM). From the Telegraph: …now any woman whose clitoris or labia has been pierced – even if it was entirely her own decision – will be seen as an act of FGM. In return, the DoH had this to say: While there are challenges in this area and adult women may have genital piercings, in some communities girls are forced to have them. The World Health Organisation has quite rightly defined this as a form of FGM. “We are taking every precaution to record genital piercings that have been done within an abusive context. “The new data collection will help build a picture of the scale and the nature of the problem we are...

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