Category: WITTERINGS

fifty shades of what the f*ck is this

I managed to avoid watching Fifty Shades of Grey for several years. Not because I was particularly against it – I’d read the first book in the series and thought it was bearable if somewhat tedious and annoying, oh and appallingly badly written – but because I kind of knew I’d hate it.  Since then, several people have told me that I really should watch it because, like it or not, it’s had a huge impact on the adult industry. And I do a lot of work with that industry. I even got as far as buying a copy...

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People don’t like you (and that’s okay)

Think about all the people you know – friends, relatives, acquaintances, work colleagues, those randoms who are on your Facebook friends list but you can’t quite remember why. Do you like them all? Every last one of them? Obviously you’ll be fonder of some than others, but can you honestly say that there isn’t one person that makes you think ‘Urgh why the fuck do I bother with this person when they irritate me so much urgh?’  Thought not. I don’t have statistics for this but I’m pretty sure no one would disagree with me when I say that it...

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Just try not to be a dick

Badge by Veronica Dearly. Click here for info   What the fuck is it with people who think everyone has to fit some kind of template in order to be accepted as part of a social grouping? What if a person doesn’t actually CARE whether they’re part of the group or not? Sometimes you end up being perceived as part of a social group / subculture, even though you’ve never professed to be. This has happened to me on several occasions – and the most common reason for it is people assuming I am a ‘goth’. I’ve used parentheses there...

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Angry and scared and sad. But mostly angry.

2016 can go suck my nonexistent balls, quite frankly. What a fucking catastrophic mess of a year – from losing Lemmy at the end of the last one to a reality TV maniac becoming the most powerful person on the planet, by way of Bowie deciding he’d had enough, actually, and we could all just sort it out on our own because he was done with our shit. One of my best friends lost their beloved dog last week in horribly unfair circumstances and everybody who’d ever known him wept because he was the best dog ever and suddenly...

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A letter to my younger, drunker self (contains swearing, because I was an idiot back then)

You know how people often write a letter to their younger selves, full of sweet comments and life-affirming encouragement? Yeah, turns out I can’t be that nice. Hey, you – yes, you over there in the corner of the pub, skinnier than you think (certainly skinnier than you’ll ever be again), trying to figure out how to hold a conversation with this bunch of people you’ve ended up sitting with but don’t actually know. It’s me, Older You.  Nearly three decades older, actually. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking – still alive, who’da thought? Bit crepey round the edges, but...

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