Well now. This is not your average guest review and if you read on, you’ll see why. Contrary to what my darling pet reviewer says in his report, there was no mix up in my delivery of review products – I knew he had an occasional female partner and as the O-wand comes with attachments for both sexes, I’d figured it would be good to get both sides of the argument, so to speak. I hadn’t reckoned on him being so, well…greedy. Read on to see what I’m talking about. If you dare…

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Guest review: O-wand personal massager

She calls:  I’ve got something for you to try out for me

Me: A toy?

She: Yes, I’ll pop it over if thats ok?

Me: Of course darling, pop it over and have some tea too, we must catch up

She arrives clutching a large package. Tea is consumed, gossip is spread and then she’s gone in her usual whirlwind of perfume and poison.

As a man with a wide arsenal of toys and a multitude of masculine friends to share them with I have certain expectations of new products. I was disappointed, no point in trying to claim otherwise.  What was contained within the package was a fair sized box containing a matt black massager – the kind that pneumatic porn starlets use to explosive effect, rather than a 14” gate post modelled on a male porn star called ‘Brad’.  It was the sort of thing that looks like a power tool – albeit a well designed one, not unlike a B-movie ray gun.

No point in testing this then – no doubt it has some odd attachments designed to stimulate a male partner, an afterthought. I decided to put it to one side for my favourite lady-friend to try out at some point.

But something caught my eye, perhaps appealing to my dirty mind.  The O-Wand isn’t like other massagers, other than being free of power cables – it’s smooth all over and covered in some kind of moulded silicone… Silicone, one piece, moulded, smooth, wipe-clean… And the packaging claims it’s waterproof.  Well, I think to myself, even if I can’t review it I could have a play around with it.  And like most toys I’m immediately wondering where I could stick it…

Once this thought had arrived there was no stopping me.  I’m not sure if the O-Wand was designed to plumb the anal depths of mankind [note from Vi – I’m pretty sure it wasn’t, ffs], but what the hell – this boy’s arse has seen worse.

I lubed up the bulbous end of the wand – the end is much like a reasonable size butt-plug in shape [another note from Vi – if you think this is ‘reasonable’ butt plug size then you are braver than me].  The curved handle is weighty and solid and has discreet buttons and a strange gold cutaway, which seemed quite frivolous.  Manuals are for other people with too much time on their hands, so I just pressed buttons until the wand started.  What a start, this thing had deep rumbling vibrations that belied its size!  So I switched it off and lets just say I pressed it home…

I chose the classic on the back, knees raised, position.  A little deep breathing and relaxing and the bulbous end slid in, which felt great. It had heft to it and so without putting to fine a point on it, I started fucking myself.  Now this toy had a solidity and shape that wasn’t quite the same as a regular dildo, regardless it felt good and the cutaway and curved shape suddenly made a lot of sense as I could grasp it easily and push/pull with ease.

Then I switched it back on.  OMG!  OMFG!  This has instantly become my favourite toy ever.  Fuck me!  Well yes, fuck me!  It felt amazing – and this is coming from someone who appreciates the pleasure his arse can supply more than most.  This wand made me shake.  It’s insane, even on it’s lowest settings.  I wanted to feel it grind into me, waves of pleasure building up, making my insides want to contract and pulse.  It left me short of breath and wanting to explore the settings, upping the power just made things even more intense, pulling it out slowly, until it was half out, stretching me open, shaking me to my core, I was falling in love with fucking all over again.  I won’t go into how long the review lasted, lets just say it was exhausting.

I feel like I’ve sullied a fine toy, destroyed it’s true purpose – or possibly discovered it 😉

10/10 – probably the best toy I now own (and no one else is getting their hands on it). This is now the firm favourite in my arsenal (pun utterly intended)

The O-Wand costs £199 (includes one extra attachment, others can be bought separately). Click here for further info (opens in new window)

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As I said at the beginning of this post, this product was put to a use it is not directly marketed for (I am actually sniggering whilst typing this) and neither I nor anyone involved in its sale or manufacture can take responsibility for misuse thereof. 

However, I’m thinking that if my overexcited chum here thought to do this with it – and dear god it does sound as though it was a very successful experiment, apparently he barely comes out of the bedroom these days – then others will have already done the same. He tells me that he uses condoms on it for hygiene reasons, which sounds very sensible (and is possibly the only sensible bit of this review). Just be careful – on your own head (and arse) be it.

VIOLET 

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I am sent items free of charge for review purposes but I am not paid for reviews and my opinions / those of my reviewers will always be honest (in fact if I really hate something it’s more likely that I just won’t review it at all and will go back to the manufacturer and ask them WTF they were thinking). I sometimes get a (very) small commission from purchases made from links on SDRR, which goes towards site costs. I adhere to all advertising rules and always use ‘no follow’ links where appropriate.