Because there can be no reason other than a parallel universe for some of the weird shit that is out there.

A confession – I actually originally intended to write this article for the Metro, but rapidly came to the conclusion that they would fire me for sullying their pages with such weirdness. So I decided to inflict it on my own readers instead. I know, I’m lovely like that.

So take a deep breath (believe me, you’ll only feel like gagging later) and let’s head on in…

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Rammstein dildo set

From Amazon: “This unique version of Rammstein’s sixth studio albumLiebe Ist Fur Alle Da, comes expansively packaged in a flight case style box. The package contains: the deluxe edition version of the album, six sex toys (numerically corresponding to each member of the band), handcuffs and lubricant. Please note this product contains sensitive elements which some customers may find offensive.”

SDRR Rammstein dildo set

 

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Motorhead vibrators

I’ve made no attempt to hide my love for Motörhead’s recent departure into the sex toy market – it’s just a shame that the man himself died so soon after they came to market. I propose a new charity drive. ‘Wank for Lemmy‘, anyone?

motorhead vibrators christmas lemmy

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Grimes’ ‘pussy rings’

Now this the sort of girl power there should be more of…

SDRR grimes pussy rings

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Kiss Kasket

An actual Thing You Can Buy. Dimebag Darrell was buried in one.

SDRR kiss kasket

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U2 condoms

Personally, just looking at Bono’s face would be enough to dampen my libido for life, but should you fancy wrapping him around your nob, be my guest (I do kind of love the illustration, tho)

SDRR u2 achtung baby condoms

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I HAVE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST. Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you…

…the TENACIOUS D CUM RAG

According to the ad, ‘This is the same size as a golf towel but this isn’t a golf towel; it’s a cum rag, THE Cum Rag. Could there be a better gift?’ 

Well, probably.

Screen Shot 2016-01-03 at 21.10.40

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That’s it, I’m spent. If anyone’s seen anything weirder, do let me know. I think we can all agree that I’ve set the bar high. And because I’m lovely, I’ll leave you with Jack and Kyle giving it their all. Ahem.

Violet x

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