Okay, so the phrase ‘guybrator’ sounds like something from dodgy scifi porn, but bear with me because this thing is CLEVER. One of the strangest sex toys I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen a few, believe me), the Pulse by Hot Octopuss is an innovative piece of kit that’s designed to be completely inclusive, aimed as it is at those with disabilities and/or erectile dysfunction issues as well as single men and couples. Talk about an all-rounder.

So can it live up to its own publicity?

It’s certainly unusual. The ‘flippers’ that hold it against the penis (PENIS FLIPPERS, YAY)  do their job very well, far better than I thought they might – it’s a pretty heavy piece of kit but didn’t drop off my test model*, however much I waggled it around – and it’s well contoured to fit around most examples of the male anatomy. It really doesn’t look anything like a ‘classic’ sex toy – in fact one user I spoke to told me that he lives with his parents and keeps his on his desk at home without anyone saying a word. Apparently everyone just assumes it’s a particularly innovative computer mouse. Squeak!

The Pulse Duo has a neat little remote control, which means a partner can join in – in addition, it has a vibrator on the outside as well as inside so that the woman can press against it and get her own thrills. Good work, equal-sexy-times people!

The motor inside the Pulse is really powerful and in fact isn’t a vibrator in the true sense at all – it oscillates rather than vibrates, which means that sensation is pushed straight outwards rather whizzing around in speedy rotations (does that make any sense? It does to me but that’s not saying much). Whilst making for brilliantly unusual physical sensation, this power is actually the source of the Pulse’s main drawback – it is incredibly noisy. However much I love both its design and the idea behind it (and I really do), it would be remiss of me not to make it clear that the Pulse is not something you can use once the kids are in bed, unless your kids live in the next street. Send them off to school and then get jiggy, is my advice.


A plus point is that it is rechargeable rather than battery-powered, although be warned – it can take a very long time (up to four hours on my test model!) to reach maximum charge.

The Lowdown:
The Pulse pretty much screams ‘LOOK AT ME I AM SO MANLY’. Constructed of what appears to be matt black weapons-grade silicone it is actually really aesthetically pleasing. It feels nice in the hand – weighty and well made. It can be quite difficult to switch on as it needs a lot of pressure, but the advantage of that is that it doesn’t accidentally switch itself off mid-fun, like so many other toys do.

This is one of those rare toys that really is an all-rounder – the only people it would be useless for (for obvious reasons) are solo women. It does take some getting used to and has to be wriggled round in order to find that elusive ‘sweet spot’, but once you’ve found it you will know ALL about it 😉

As for its usefulness for disability – my (unused, before you think the worst) Pulse has been forwarded to a reviewer who finds ‘standard’ sex difficult due to medical issues, so I will update with his feedback asap. Stay tuned, sex kittens!


*Say hi to my test model, Dave the dong: