You guys, YOU GUYYYYS *tugs at your sleeves* – don’t quote me on this in case I wake up to discover it’s all been a dream (please gods let the last few weeks have been a dream and the new US president a figment of my imagination, pleeeease), but I do believe I have found a strap on harness that not only doesn’t fall apart or cut your circulation off, it actually properly fits.  By which I mean it fits people above a size 14 – something which is far harder to find than you might think.

Ever since I started reviewing sex toys I’ve suffered constant, low-level annoyance at the sizing of ‘adult’ products, from clothing to bondage gear. Even in this day and age when we’re all well aware that the ‘average’ UK woman is at least a size 16, the majority of kit appears to be made for delicate little munchkins rather than those with either mass or muscles. 

But not the Elite harness from Fetish Fantasy, ohhhh no. This thing is made properly. It has wide pleather straps that adjust to accommodate hips up to 52″ along with a silicone O-ring that stretches up to 2.5″ and can hold pretty much any flared-base, harness-compatible dildo. 

I’m not overly convinced by the g-string style – I’d prefer two straps that go either side of the ladygarden because CHAFING, amiright?? – but it certainly helps keep everything in place. The D-ring adjusters on the side straps work really well and it takes a lot to make them slip loose once you’ve tightened it up. The straps themselves are wide enough that they don’t dig in, which is what usually annoys me about this kind of thing (if you’re going to have deep welts across your hips and arse I can think of better ways to do it than with a badly fitting harness). 

The only real issue I have with this harness is its place slap bang in the middle of the market. It’s not expensive enough to be made of hard-wearing leather (which gets better with age) and it’s not made of cheap enough materials to be properly washable, so given that this kind of product invariable does need washing, I’m not sure how the ‘fabric’ will hold up over time. But given that it’s currently selling at nearly half its original price, it’s definitely a worthwhile addition to the kink kit.

Y’all have fun now 😉 

The Elite harness retails at £32.95 from Simply Pleasure (link opens in new window)

VIOLET x

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I am sent items free of charge for review purposes but I am not paid for reviews and my opinions / those of my reviewers will always be honest (in fact if I really hate something it’s more likely that I just won’t review it at all and will go back to the manufacturer and ask them WTF they were thinking). I get a (very) small commission from any purchases made from links on SDRR, which goes towards site costs. I adhere to all advertising rules and always use ‘no follow’ links where appropriate.