I do love wands. By which I mean that I really, really love them. They are basically made to do one thing, and that thing is to bring the user to squealing paroxysms of delight.
The best of them do this very well, but there are so many of them around right now that a product has to be pretty damn special to make yer average sex toy reviewer sit up and take notice. Once you’ve seen one sexy excitement stick you’ve pretty much seen them all.
So does the Deluxe Wand from Lovehoney stand up to close scrutiny? Let us see.
Firstly, the build quality. This thing is well made and sturdy and it shows – mostly in the weight. I struggle with my wrists (RSI, before you think up any ‘amusing’ quips) and found it quite difficult to hold for very long. I have to grasp it near the head (fnarrrrr, obvs) in order to balance it.
The vibrations travel down through the handle quite a lot, which is off-putting. As I said, I have RSI and this wand triggered it quite a bit – I couldn’t type for a good hour or so afterwards. BUT.
It works. Like, it really, really works.
It might sound like I’m stating the obvious – surely the whole point is that it needs to work or else it’s a duff toy? But wands really are so generic these days that there’s often not much to differentiate one from another – they just switch on and buzz at the business end.
However, some do it better than others – and this is one of them. None of this ‘it’s okay but I could probably sit on the washing machine and get the same results’. It’s simple, it’s solid, it doesn’t mess around and it looks good – which is more than can be said of lots of others on the market.
There are endless patterns, but I am not a pattern kind of gal – I like it to rumble and stay rumbling until I throw it on the floor and flail around making faint meeping noises, thankewverrrrymuch. But if patterns are your thing, there are 20 different ones to choose from and they are decent, ‘clear’ ones at that. Nothing worse than a vibe pattern that promises ‘pulsating crescendos’ only to turn out to actually be ‘faintly irritating waves of buzzing’ – you won’t suffer any of that shittery with this baby, oh no.
Is it worth the money? Yes. And I’d tell you if it wasn’t, because there are others out there for a similar price so it’s not like there isn’t a choice.
Purely because of the weight issue, I’ll probably stick with my Mini Magic Wand (which is currently my favourite toy of all because it is tiny, it is quiet and oh my god it works so well seriously I would marry the thing), but the Deluxe Wand will definitely be staying in the Premium Bedroom Box*
The Deluxe Wand costs £79.99 from Lovehoney – click here to view (opens in new window). And code AFFUK1575 will get you £15 off if you order before the end of September!
Noise level – Muse (not too loud but needs some distraction to avoid detection)
PS: I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, the best lube you’ll ever use with your toys is also from Lovehoney – I’d buy their Enjoy water-based lube by the gallon if I could. Have fun!
(*the Premium Box is for Things That Get a Regular Outing and there is another box for Stuff Which Is Okay But You Could Probably Think Of Better Things To Take To Bed. There’s also a rucksack in the loft which contains Things We Do Not Talk About Ever Jesus What Where They Even Thinking Of. It’s a useful filing system, I recommend it)
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