This guest review is once again proof that I really do know the best blokes ever. Over to our brave explorer…
Most times you are asked to review an adult toy it’s quite obvious from the packaging what it is you are about to receive. Size and shape – heavy, elephantine cock form. Packaging – pink, gold or black with a suitably pneumatic girl or rippling muscled stud holding the aforementioned gargantuan replacement body part / gynaecological torture device in their glossy airbrushed palms. And it’s usually labelled something like ‘Anal Dicktator, Ultimate Pleasure Wand’. This time however, was different.
So I started this review with a small egg in front of me, possibly three inches tall, looking just like a children’s surprise toy that comes from one of those machines you pop a pound into and turn a big lever. At least with this toy there is an element of surprise during the opening. The writing on the plastic wrapper only vaguely suggests at what the surprise is, comically stating ‘Easy Beat’. Perhaps it’s headphones inside?
The egg easily popped open, revealing what appeared to be another egg, made from some soft gelatinous material. Perhaps this is a childs toy after all and your faithful reviewer will spend the next thirty minutes hatching a rather disappointing silicone T Rex in the bath, or maybe growing a moon-monkey.
The second egg revealed itself to be not an egg at all, but a soft and tactile semi-opaque dome with a hole in the bottom. A tiny instruction leaflet and small packet of lube accompanied it and although the instructions were in Japanese it included quite self-explanatory pictures.
At this point it was clear that this was basically an egg wank sock. I think wank sock translates as:
Either the on-line translation service has served me well or I’ve just offended an entire continent’s grandmother.
So to the meat of this review, lets not beat around the meat (sorry). Yours truly was finding this whole escapade quite interesting. If I’m honest the general feeling so far was one of intrigue rather then excitement or eroticism, but things were about to change with potentially explosive results. Following the instructions I poured the lube into the, erm, egg-sock (lets just call it ‘sock’). The inside of the sock was not smooth but formed into ripples or waves, like some kind of sexy mollusc [since when have molluscs been sexy? Violet]
Your reviewer had by this time risen to the occasion, using the previous imagery of salacious sex-toy-holding lust bunnies to help fire his imagination, and the sock was put into position. It felt weird, there’s no way to beat around the meat on this one (sorry but I’m feeling quite puntastc with this toy). The sock immediately warmed to body temperature, and encouraged squeezing and movement, forcing a different kind of masturbatory motion than normal. All those soft ripples got to work on the head of my cock and the pleasure just kept mounting at an enormous rate. This was a lot of fun, I mean a LOT, very intense! It became apparent that there was no subtlety involved – this was a full on wanking aid with cum trigger set all the way to eleven. All the pleasure was concentrated around the glans, there was no turning back and it wasn’t long before I reached an almighty climax, much like this review [funny, that’s not quite how I’d have described it – Violet]
This sock was not designed for slow teasing, it brings the pleasure on in huge waves and doesn’t disappoint! It was a huge amount of fun to review, far more than it first seemed and is destined to be washed out, dried and stored safely for re-use.
So give yourself a treat – or alternatively hide one in a cracker this Christmas and watch the horrified looks as the children open it and fight over who puts it on their nose first, throws it at the ceiling to see if it will stick and then asks Aunt Maud what sort of finger puppet it is 😉
5 out of 5 – its the Ronseal of male sex toys – it does what it says on the tin (if said tin is egg shaped and uses suggestive punnery in its product description).
The Tenga Egg costs £8.95 and is available in different styles. Click here for info (opens in new window)
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*I have an affiliate account with Simply Pleasure, which means that I get a (very tiny) commission on anything sold through these links. However I do not get paid for reviewing their products on this site, so don’t worry – I’m always honest when I talk about products, regardless of who’s supplied them. You can click here for my full disclosure statement.