Violet Fenn Bathmate review close

Once again I have managed to persuade a gullible male lovely chum into testing out a new and unusual product. Someone give that boy a medal. Although I am pretty certain that there are far worse things one could ask of one’s friends than to spend an afternoon trying out sex toys…

Onwards!

GUEST REVIEW

BOOM. Wanger Management is back. So it’s with little surprise that I find myself putting my genitals into a revolutionary new device. By which I don’t mean a 4K curved television or the latest iPhone. Stop that. I’m not.

Let’s make no bones about this; the Hydromax Bathmate penis pump looks like a pneumatic Lucozade bottle into which one’s flaccid fella is introduced. It comes with a multi-lingual manual in a smart box that wouldn’t look out of place being sold in a sports shop. The manual itself is brief but the pictures do little to show you how to use the pump – if anything, they confuse rather than educate unless you actually have the pump in your hands.

The Bathmate itself is a sturdy, well built device and transparent, as you would expect so that you can see what’s going on inside. One thing needs to be made clear here; due to the nature of the pump, this is for use in the bath or shower only. Instead of creating an air vacuum like traditional penis pumps, it uses water which is meant to provide a more comfortable and even vacuum around your fella, so trying this outside the bathroom will mean that you will get water everywhere in the bedroom or wherever!

The pumping mechanism is in the base of the pump and the water valve is controlled by a tiny black switch at the end. There is a positive ‘click’ as you select to close or release the valve, but it’s difficult to tell which is which. Once you fill the pump with water up to the top, you then have to pop your fella in, which is actually easier to do in a bath than a shower since you have to tilt the pump in order to engage it while keeping as much water contained as possible (there are detailed instructions for use in both scenarios in the manual). Pulling the pump down onto the shaft then squirts excess water out of the top in order to create the vacuum. Bingo. You and the Bathmate are one.

Does it work? The short answer is yes. There is a powerful vacuum pressure inside and there is a noticeable comfort difference between the Bathmate and a conventional air pump. For one amusing moment I looked down at my water-tortured organ and realised that the poor thing looked disturbingly like Leo DiCaprio during his final moments in ‘Titanic’ as he disappeared slowly into the ocean. You can even buy an optional cord which attaches to the end of the Bathmate and goes around your neck so that the weight of the pump isn’t entirely taken by your crotch. Unfortunately this isn’t mentioned underneath the diagram, so you are left with the impression that the man in the picture is listening to music through earphones on his Bathmate while he waits for it to do its job.

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In the box, there is also a sachet of Jelqing Enhancement Serum. This is to be optionally used in conjunction with the Bathmate, and also possibly the first time that you realise that what you are doing is ‘Jelqing’. Now, maybe I should have read the manual a little more thoroughly, but when it came to removing the pump, the ‘how to’ wasn’t all that apparent. So there I was, temporarily filled with dread about how I was supposed to disengage the Bathmate from my person and little clue of how to do this. Was I destined to wear this thing forever? Having a sports drink shaped cock might be appealing to some women, but I’d doubt it would generally make me appealing…

The small black switch on top had little effect, so I pretty much had to wrench it off. Painfully. (Apparently you have to push down on the valve in order to release the pressure. Damn manual.)

Overall, this is a good pump, it does exactly what you’d expect it to, and if you follow the instructions to the letter regarding the regime of use, I imagine the effects would be pleasing. Comfort-wise, the vacuum itself is better than traditional air types, but the girth and hardness of the inner part of the pump meant that it did stab into my skin a little, leaving behind a visible red circle around the base of my fella. Maybe a curved entrance or softer material might be a consideration for future development, as would a more evident valve switch mechanism at the top of the pump. I’m looking forward to giving this pump and its manual a more thorough investigation, now that I am officially a revolutionary new ‘Jelqer’.

I have seen the future. And I have put my penis in it.

***

The Bathmate is available from all good adult retailers. Prices start at approx £70.

Click here to view the Bathmate at Simply Pleasure

Click here to view the Bathmate at Lovehoney

Violet x

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I am sent items free of charge for review purposes but I am not paid for reviews and my opinions / those of my reviewers will always be honest (in fact if I really hate something it’s more likely that I just won’t review it at all and will go back to the manufacturer and ask them WTF they were thinking). I get a – very – small commission from any purchases made from links on SDRR, which goes towards site costs. I adhere to all advertising rules and always use ‘no follow’ links where appropriate.